I had a friend spectating this game who had to stop watching after Miss Fortune got her third triple kill while still in the laning phase. At one point this Miss Fortune was 16-1, having the game of her League career. With her team on her back they soared to a commanding 13-27 team kill lead. However, our team never once tried to surrender.
I was having a splendid time top. I survived a level 2 Nautilus gank. Well, more than survived it. I actually killed Shen for first blood while Nautilus came to his rescue. Then, with only ~150 HP left on me, Nautilus had to turn and run or face the fury of my pushing creep wave. That little bit of snowball actually helped me beat Shen in the lane.
I refused to leave top. It was my sanctuary. It was my method of victory. I knew that I couldn’t beat Miss Fortune now that she was this far ahead and running cleanse for my blind. I knew that I had to win unconventionally.
Shen would ult away from top to a team fight happening somewhere else on the map. I would immediately drop a shroom to push the lane and rush to his turret. I could beat anyone on their team 1v1 as long as their name wasn’t Miss Fortune. In a wild attempt I mapped my way through their top jungle with mushrooms, waited for their team to show, and backdoored the inhibitor turret. It had about three auto attacks worth health left on it, so it went down quickly. However, it sealed my doom. Nautilus and Miss Fortune emerged from the jungle, enraged by the inherent global taunt that I possess. However, it was too late. The damage was done. The inhibitor was exposed.
Now, with LichBane and 500 Ability Power I had the ability to take their inhibitor if they left it alone for more than 10 seconds. I bought a couple wards and placed them in popular jungle exits so my team wouldn’t get flanked by the much stronger adversary. I moved only through the jungle, shrooming where I knew people would walk. Miss Fortune had Guardian Angel and oracles elixir, so I couldn’t rely on my passive to hide from her anymore. I told my team that I was going on a suicide mission, so they should apply pressure elsewhere. I knew that we couldn’t win a team fight for dragon, especially if I wasn’t there and didn’t have mushrooms in place. However, with dragon coming up at 43:20, if I timed my inhibitor kill correctly I could pull the attention of the other team to allow my team enough time. And then Tristana died for no reason. Welp, screw it.
I come out of stealth and step around the corner. I time my LichBane procs with my Q, W, and R. I take it down much faster than I had anticipated, so I step up to the tree in the enemy’s base and recall. I show up to the back end of a team fight. We manage to take down Orianna and Miss Fortune and only trade another Tristana corpse for it. With super creeps pushing top I survey bottom lane to see if it’s viable to push. I see that my team can’t win a fight without me, but more importantly the other team sees that my team can’t win a team fight.
It was at this point that my post got it’s title. Nunu, on the other team, says in all-chat “Teemo” so I politely reply “Hi guy” and he comes back with “it’s not cute anymore.” He was either referencing the mushrooms covering the map that he took the privilege of walking over, or my constant pressure on his top lane.
They begin to gather mid, but before they can I come out from behind Orianna and take full advantage of my Deathfire Grasp, melting her health bar and watching her wastefully try to ult me. I wanted to say “Was that cute enough for you?” but I didn’t want to void my chance at getting honor this game! With the bunny rabbit Teemo skin I definitely looked cute.
Then something miraculous happened. The stars aligned. I was in their top jungle (where Teemo lives). I had ward coverage, I had mushrooms. I saw the enemy team mid and my minion wave gathering top. One, two, three mid. Four mid. Five mid. Teemo time.
I sprint into the enemy base and shroom the full creep wave. It’s gone, and my super minions are on my tail. I let them tank as I watch my LichBane timer. Ok, get both Nexus turrets and get out. Just need to get these turrets and get out. I can do this. First turret drops. I am killing the second turret, expecting to see the enemy team show up any second. However, they had decided to dive my team at our inhibitor turret in mid at the exact same time. They were in no position to back out. Their second Nexus turret falls.
I panic. I start to attack the Nexus. My heart starts to race. I can just picture Nautilus popping out and ulting me and Miss Fortune ending my wonderful run through their base. Instead a wild Shen appears. He flashes (literally) into view, gets as close as he can through minions and taunts at me. I flash to avoid the taunt, and drop a mushroom to give me another LichBane proc and continue working on the Nexus. He exhausts me and hits his Randuins. It literally felt like I was getting 0 attacks per second. Then I saw the “gg”s showing up in all-chat. The other team realized that Shen couldn’t hurt me, had already missed his taunt and blew his exhaust and they weren’t going to get back in time. The game was over. The Nexus was exploding, and neither team could believe it.
Does it look like I was trying to be cute?