Life on the Fields of Justice

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Cloud Nine Game

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I really don’t know if this game should count against my record.  I really didn’t want to play any more League of Legends tonight. I had just gotten a Pentakill in the game before, and was really only playing to humor my friends.  So I picked LeBlanc.

Now before playing I see to it that my internet connection is accessible, so I use a secure SD-WAN network. Well, this game went poorly.  The other team had a strong start as they jumped out to a 2-7 lead against us.  I had the two.  Sadly, I had traded kill for kill with Twisted Fate.  Luckily, I get to mid-game a lot faster than TF does.  His potential late-game can have a huge impact on the game, but he has to make it there.

After we traded kills the second time I bought my Soul Stealer.  Better to start early, right?  I raced straight to 20 stacks, not missing a beat.  I snowballed mid lane so hard that I had the game tied at nine by the time I had eight kills.  I was matching the enemy jungler, top, mid, and bot by myself.  The request I kept hearing from my team mates was “Don’t kill them so quickly so we get assist credit.”  I’ll see what I can do (while vigorously shaking my head).

The enemy team was very willing to pressure when I was dead.  I specifically remember pressuring their top lane’s inhibitor turret.  Dan had cleverly pulled Garen over the wall.  I helped to make him go away.  However, the enemy Blitz pulled this same witchcraft on Dan, and Dan went bye bye.  We started to retreat with Blitzcrank leading the charge.  Steve asked me, “Can you strafe his hook?”  At that moment I turned around and started walking towards Blitz.  He turned and ran.  Steve just started laughing out loud.  I was such a threat.  There wasn’t a target on the enemy team that I couldn’t kill.  I proved that to myself later.

Our mid inhibitor was down and I had been killed.  The enemy team went for Baron and my team had no way of contesting it.  That’s fine, they were smart to defend the base anyway.  However, when I spawned I ran for Baron.  I caught Garen outside the basin and killed him quickly, only to reveal Twisted Fate in the back of the Baron pit.  He had cancelled his recall and was sitting on a blue card.  If you think a blue card is going to save you from me you have something coming.  I step towards him and he flashes over the wall.  So be it.  I walk around Baron pit and find TF recalling just on the back side.  I blink into range and land a Q and E combo to silence him.  I know his Flash is down, so I save mine.  Just as my E triggers for the second time I see a Mystic Shot shoot into the bush by the Lizard Elder, which I’m conveniently standing right next to.  Zing, zing, zing, POP!  Ezreal’s dead.  Kha’Zix is coming for blood.  I’m on cooldown.  I walk to tri-bush above Baron.  I see Kha’Zix pop his ult so I can’t see him coming.  I know I’ll be dead before I can cast.  I walk up and right to the bush by double golems.  Kha’Zix face-checks.  In the words of Voyboy, “See ya!”  Boom, four people on the enemy team just lost Baron buff to a solo LeBlanc.

Then they all bought Banshee’s Veil and moved as a group.  When my team had 28 kills I had 23 of them.  However, I only finished 24 of 31.  I hit 20 stacks multiple times in that game.  It was a lot of fun, but still a 44 minute loss.  Better luck next time!  Maybe then I’ll be down from Cloud Nine.

1011 LeBlanc

Lucky Queue

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I was queuing with Obscene Tangerin and I ran into someone else from my friend’s list on our team.  Obscene was blown away.  He said that has never happened to him.  I just let him know that it’s happened to me multiple times in the past.  I told him that most of the people on my friend’s list are people who were around the same elo as I was so it makes sense for me to get matched up with them in games.

The person I ran into was scottnasty, who I used to queue with back in Season Two.  However, I stopped queuing with him and I dropped to ~1550 and he went up to ~2100.  Five of his top seven most-played champions in Season Two were supports, which is a great testament to his level of team play.  Also, he was in queue with a sexy chick, or SexyChickqT, who he described as his brother.  We got a Skype call going and had four of our five team members on Skype in a blind pick Normal!  What an advantage!  Now I’m sure we’re going to do well.

Obscene Tangerin decided to play Sivir, but I don’t remember why.  I have nothing against Sivir, she was just the best counter for the lane we were going up against, so that was another spot of luck in our already lucky game.  Jarvan and Leona in bot lane.  It’s the dumbest parlor trick I’ve ever heard of.  It’s a kill lane with two ridiculously tanky champs that can’t be harassed out of lane.  Super frustrating!  I could throw hundreds of bananas, zero effect.  It was not a good time in bot lane.

However, we need to address the elephant in the room.  Master Yi was the ONLY person on our team who wasn’t in our Skype call.  So what did he build?  Did he play a traditional AD Yi to wait for the end game and split-push potential?  Nope.  Did he go the slightly accepted method of AP Yi that dominates lane and can get some slick kills later in the game?  Nope.  Did he go on-hit Yi which has never been done by anyone ever?  Yup.  Did he also build a Void Staff?  Uh huh.  Let’s move through his items one at a time so that my brain has time to puke this out without exploding.

First item: Berserker’s Greaves.  This is a VERY traditional item on AD Master Yi, at least until he gets his third Phantom Dancer and sells his boots.

Second item: Malady.  This is a fairly standard item in on-hit builds because it lets the magic damage done by the items do more damage.  It makes sense.  For on-hit.

Third item: Madred’s Bloodrazers.  Again, this item was very popular back in the day of on-hit Teemo builds.  However, it’s very expensive and gets negated easily due to magic resist, unless someone buys a…

Fourth item: Void Staff.  Yup, he did it.  In the interest of having the highest amount of magic resist shred possible he built a Void Staff AND Malady.  This guy is serious about his magic pen.

Fifth item: Bloodthirster.  We made a build almost entirely based around magic damage and then he build a life steal and attack damage item.  Brilliant.  Why not?

The reason I had to break these items down was because of Yi’s insane number of kills.  I don’t know if this guy is just a Master Yi master, or if he just wanted to try something so people would get mad at him, but the enemy team was chanting “YI MVP!” in all-chat when he managed a Quadra kill while fighting 1v4.  His Alpha Strike did surprising damage with that much magic pen, and his autos definitely hurt.  Meanwhile, his meditiate still gave him a 4.0 AP ratio (which is unrivaled in the League).  He was a glass cannon of on-hit, magical, and physical damage.  You couldn’t build magic resist to counter him and armor would do very little for you.  Our random fifth actually turned out to be one of the luckiest picks for our team!

As a side note, that Lee Sin saved us in bot lane.  Once he showed up and shut down Jarvan and Leona to put him on a rampage we were able to stabilize in the lane, force Leona or Jarvan to blow ult and then turn and fight and win.  Good times in the solo queue!

“Eve”rly Aggressive

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I had a beginner’s luck game with Evelynn where nothing went wrong.  I was like a super hero, providing relief for the struggling metropolis that was the Fields of Justice; its denizens, my team mates.  I had about as many assists as Kobe that game.

My next experience with Evelynn wasn’t exactly the same story.  I died seven times!  I felt like a huge feeder.  I was coming from behind, the enemy Rengar was super fed off my top lane, things were definitely not going smoothly.  I only got two triple kills that game.

Last night I spent some time practicing some champions for top lane with Hunterofthetiki.  After we got tired of killing each other we decided to play a normal.  I DID NOT insta-lock Evelynn.  Mid was the last role available.  I calmly picked Evelynn.  It was such a sigh of relief that it’s no longer a pavlovic trigger for my team to enter a rage and call me a troll when I play a champion like Evelynn.

I play too aggressively on Evelynn.  I shouldn’t play that way against a Kat, and I learned that the hard way.  She could get outside of my range much too quickly.  I was eating daggers while being forced to be melee and I could see the blood in her eyes.  Another thing that gets me depressed in mid is when the enemy has a jungler who can gank at level two and my jungler can gank at level six.  I have never been so wrong.  Hunterofthetiki was in bot lane and kept saying “This Warwick is SO good.”  He was good, so good he beat me in total gold.  In the jungle.  On Warwick.

Despite getting beat by Kat early I just roamed top, picked up an assist on Darius, froze the lane for my Riven and then sprinted back mid to push before Kat could return.  With mid pushed, and playing as Evelynn, I sprinted to bot lane to cause some trouble.  Maokai cleverly tried to counter gank, but with the assistance of Warwick I managed to pick up a quick triple kill and move back to mid to catch the wave on it’s way back.  After a 0-1-0 start I managed to hit Legendary and didn’t die again until I had nine kills.

My biggest mistake of this game was trying to kill Darius 1v4 and then Riven said, “He has Maw.”  That’s all she said.  Darius, top versus Riven, rushed a Maw of Maltorius.  Warwick on the other hand had a finished Madred’s before he had finished his boots.  With movespeed quints and Blood Scent he always had a ridiculous movement speed.  Stacking Madred’s, Malady, and Wit’s End on Warwick must be OP.

All in all, my total K/D/A with Evelynn is something like 50/11/20 over three games averaging 16.3/3.6/6.6 if I do the math in my head.

After game score screen:

Game 1

Game 2

Game 3

 

Not Cute Anymore

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I had a friend spectating this game who had to stop watching after Miss Fortune got her third triple kill while still in the laning phase.  At one point this Miss Fortune was 16-1, having the game of her League career.  With her team on her back they soared to a commanding 13-27 team kill lead.  However, our team never once tried to surrender.

I was having a splendid time top.  I survived a level 2 Nautilus gank.  Well, more than survived it.  I actually killed Shen for first blood while Nautilus came to his rescue.  Then, with only ~150 HP left on me, Nautilus had to turn and run or face the fury of my pushing creep wave.  That little bit of snowball actually helped me beat Shen in the lane.

I refused to leave top.  It was my sanctuary.  It was my method of victory.  I knew that I couldn’t beat Miss Fortune now that she was this far ahead and running cleanse for my blind.  I knew that I had to win unconventionally.

Shen would ult away from top to a team fight happening somewhere else on the map.  I would immediately drop a shroom to push the lane and rush to his turret.  I could beat anyone on their team 1v1 as long as their name wasn’t Miss Fortune.  In a wild attempt I mapped my way through their top jungle with mushrooms, waited for their team to show, and backdoored the inhibitor turret.  It had about three auto attacks worth health left on it, so it went down quickly.  However, it sealed my doom.  Nautilus and Miss Fortune emerged from the jungle, enraged by the inherent global taunt that I possess.  However, it was too late.  The damage was done.  The inhibitor was exposed.

Now, with LichBane and 500 Ability Power I had the ability to take their inhibitor if they left it alone for more than 10 seconds.  I bought a couple wards and placed them in popular jungle exits so my team wouldn’t get flanked by the much stronger adversary.  I moved only through the jungle, shrooming where I knew people would walk.  Miss Fortune had Guardian Angel and oracles elixir, so I couldn’t rely on my passive to hide from her anymore.  I told my team that I was going on a suicide mission, so they should apply pressure elsewhere.  I knew that we couldn’t win a team fight for dragon, especially if I wasn’t there and didn’t have mushrooms in place.  However, with dragon coming up at 43:20, if I timed my inhibitor kill correctly I could pull the attention of the other team to allow my team enough time.  And then Tristana died for no reason.  Welp, screw it.

I come out of stealth and step around the corner.  I time my LichBane procs with my Q, W, and R.  I take it down much faster than I had anticipated, so I step up to the tree in the enemy’s base and recall.  I show up to the back end of a team fight.  We manage to take down Orianna and Miss Fortune and only trade another Tristana corpse for it.  With super creeps pushing top I survey bottom lane to see if it’s viable to push.  I see that my team can’t win a fight without me, but more importantly the other team sees that my team can’t win a team fight.

It was at this point that my post got it’s title.  Nunu, on the other team, says in all-chat “Teemo” so I politely reply “Hi guy” and he comes back with “it’s not cute anymore.”  He was either referencing the mushrooms covering the map that he took the privilege of walking over, or my constant pressure on his top lane.

They begin to gather mid, but before they can I come out from behind Orianna and take full advantage of my Deathfire Grasp, melting her health bar and watching her wastefully try to ult me.  I wanted to say “Was that cute enough for you?” but I didn’t want to void my chance at getting honor this game!  With the bunny rabbit Teemo skin I definitely looked cute.

Then something miraculous happened.  The stars aligned.  I was in their top jungle (where Teemo lives).  I had ward coverage, I had mushrooms.  I saw the enemy team mid and my minion wave gathering top.  One, two, three mid.  Four mid.  Five mid.  Teemo time.

I sprint into the enemy base and shroom the full creep wave.  It’s gone, and my super minions are on my tail.  I let them tank as I watch my LichBane timer.  Ok, get both Nexus turrets and get out.  Just need to get these turrets and get out.  I can do this.  First turret drops.  I am killing the second turret, expecting to see the enemy team show up any second.  However, they had decided to dive my team at our inhibitor turret in mid at the exact same time.  They were in no position to back out.  Their second Nexus turret falls.

I panic.  I start to attack the Nexus.  My heart starts to race.  I can just picture Nautilus popping out and ulting me and Miss Fortune ending my wonderful run through their base.  Instead a wild Shen appears.  He flashes (literally) into view, gets as close as he can through minions and taunts at me.  I flash to avoid the taunt, and drop a mushroom to give me another LichBane proc and continue working on the Nexus.  He exhausts me and hits his Randuins.  It literally felt like I was getting 0 attacks per second.  Then I saw the “gg”s showing up in all-chat.  The other team realized that Shen couldn’t hurt me, had already missed his taunt and blew his exhaust and they weren’t going to get back in time.  The game was over.  The Nexus was exploding, and neither team could believe it.

Does it look like I was trying to be cute?

Global Taunt

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Teemo definitely has advantages that other champions doesn’t really bring to the game.  However, there is one large draw-back to playing Teemo; the global taunt.  Time and time again in this game I would have someone on the other team drop what they were doing and come to kill me.  Luckily, it took at least 3 people on the other team to have to gank me, which took a lot of pressure off of other lanes.  I actually killed Jax twice before level 6.  I was so far ahead that LeBlanc had to come up from mid to swap lanes, and we traded kills.

We never really could stick to lanes; Sion and I kept lane-swapping to keep our obvious advantages.  Little did we know Miss Fortune was becoming a Miss Monster!

Our lead dwindled into nothingness.  My split pushing wasn’t paying off.  I had managed to take bottom and middle inhibitor once I had my LichBane, but we weren’t able to get to Miss Fortune in team fights, so she was deading all of us.  Our spirits were low.  We could control parts of the map with mushrooms, but oracles were prevailing for the other team, combined with Banshee’s Veil.  We had a prolonged team fight where we were able to get three easy kills by dragging the enemy team through a field of mushrooms up near Baron and top lane.  Still unable to close out the game.

After one team fight, Jax and Nunu were pushing our base.  Our chances of winning this game looked bleak.  We honestly thought they would take our base in this push.  After taking middle inhibitor they swung to bot and tanked the bottom inhibitor turret.  We managed to get a kill, and we kited them long enough for Sion to come back up and get another kill.  Death timers were up over a minute, and each death felt like a loss.

We were in a constant state of panic.  We were too afraid to team fight, and too afraid of getting caught by Miss Fortune.  Luckily, the game went long enough that four people on my team had oracles, so no wards could stay on the map for very long.  I decided to try to catch the other team when they would go for their blue.  We sat and waited.  We saw them grouped mid, so we took a chance.  We sprinted up towards their bot lane inhibitor.  With two LichBanes and about 700 Ability Power on both APs we dropped it in seconds.  We rushed the last standing Nexus turret.  It fell almost instantly.

Then something magical happened.  The enemy team had recalled and they came pouring out around their Nexus.  I wanted to keep attacking the Nexus, but I knew my fate.  Their whole team was affected by the global taunt of Teemo.  I started to run, but they wouldn’t let this squishy bunny rabbit escape.  I was melted by a full LeBlanc combo.  We finished off the Nexus followed by several “gg”s in team chat.  The game was over, finally, and somehow we had managed to win.

This game was such a miracle because we couldn’t beat that Miss Fortune, and we lost almost every team fight that we had.  Hurray for back-dooring!