Jungle Archives - League of Stories

A Demacian Does Not Retreat

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We had a LAN at the Rymer’s this weekend, which was a new experience for me. This game we decided to play roles that we weren’t very familiar with. In this case we had Goldboat on support which never happens, Iggie playing top lane which is also very rare, Choppes running the AD carry role, and myself in the jungle.

If I had to count all the times I had played jungle since I started this blog, or even in the last year, it would probably be once. I just don’t get into the trees very much. I had not jungled since the Season Three changes, so this was going to be an interesting experience.

All I remember about this game was coming from being down in kills and gold to try to win. I remember Sivir and Diana doing immense damage and forcing me to get as much health as possible.

Xin felt ridiculous. I felt like my damage was way too high based on my items. I felt like my cooldowns were extremely low and that my kill potential was high because of the high base damages of my abilities. After I had Frozen Mallet combined with the slow of my Audacious Charge I could stick on anyone.

In team fights I would zone Sivir and Diana until my team could clean up everyone else. In many of those situations, Sivir and Diana would spend more time running away than fighting me, resulting in me just getting free damage onto them. Because of this I finished with most kills, fewest deaths, and most assists. It felt great.

The only negative side-effect of this game was that I now ban Xin Zhao in every Ranked game I play because I’m scared to see him emerge from the jungle! It was probably when I got caught by five people on the enemy team and still managed to escape with Ghost that made me so intimidated. That’s the one time that I broke the Demacian Rule: A Demacian Does Not Retreat!

My 1000th Win With Dan

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With much patience comes great things. Initially I asked Dan if he wanted to play, and he agreed to play. Then the only problem that we faced was finding a time when our schedules lined up! I missed him before he left to IPL5, so I knew there would be a good amount of time until we actually got to play my 1000th win.

I finally caught Dan on Saturday night via Twitter and he said we should play Sunday morning. I got on Sunday morning, Dan threw me an invite, and things got real.

We didn’t boot up Ventrilo or Skype, I just tuned into his stream and listened to him chat about the game.

The start of the game was super stressful for me. I got matched up in a mirror match with Ezreal, and to see all these Gold and Diamond players in the loading screen told me that the enemy bot lane was going to have some talent as well. Now the only thing setting the two Ezreals apart is our supports. I got Taric, who has some moderate burst and decent sustain, vs Zyra, who has ridiculous range, amazing snares, and insane burst damage. Luckily, we’re not playing in the League of Legends right now, we’re playing in the League of Cleavers. This means that the League is no longer ruled by the best players, but rather this patch you win if you have the most Black Cleavers on your team.

I tried to get ahead in CS because I knew that Zyra would help Ezreal win any trade or encounter that we had. I got ahead by 20 CS, then 30, then 40, just kept widening the gap. When Dan ganked bot I went down, and I thought Ezreal finished me off. However, it was actually Zyra’s plants that picked up the kill. I managed to get a double kill on Ezreal and Nocturne, which put me in a good spot in bot lane.

I felt bad for top because it got ignored until the enemy Jax was so big that we were all afraid of him. Well, everyone but Dan. This Jax showed up to a team fight mid with finished Trinity Force and Guardian Angel, ready to fight. He was ahead of everyone in the game in CS as he had been crushing our Xin in top lane.

The real story was Dan Dinh. The team fight that broke out when Jax jumped on me went sour really quickly. My team was close enough that he couldn’t just sit on me until I was dead. I managed to space myself out a bit and start DPSing, but members of my team started to drop much faster than any did on the enemy team. I went down and switched over to Dan’s stream where he was watching the fight break out and waddling his little mummy legs as quickly as they would go. “Dan’s coming, guys!” That was all he said. Then he strolled into the middle of the team fight, and pressed R. The kids who weren’t dead started running, but it was too late. Dan took down Jax’s GA as well, and finished him and Zyra off as the announcer said “quadra kill!”

That fight definitely turned the tides of this game. From there, the next big fight went down at Baron. I got to deal with the Jax while the rest of the two teams fought. It was not enjoyable. I also had to use my QSS on the Morde ult that got thrown on me. Jax was so big, that even with my sexy Black Cleaver I wasn’t getting through his girth. I went down just before I finished him off, but the fight was already over. Dan Dinh had just racked up another triple kill while securing Baron buff for our team. Surrender inc…

Karthus tried to keep up with me in deaths, but I just had him beat. Luckily, I wasn’t the worst Ezreal in the game, which is good enough for me!

Thanks for the 1000th Normal win, Dan! Not bad throwing in a triple and a quadra kill. Keep being the man in the jungle!

“Eve”rly Aggressive

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I had a beginner’s luck game with Evelynn where nothing went wrong. I was like a super hero, providing relief for the struggling metropolis that was the Fields of Justice; its denizens, my team mates. I had about as many assists as Kobe that game.

My next experience with Evelynn wasn’t exactly the same story. I died seven times! I felt like a huge feeder. I was coming from behind, the enemy Rengar was super fed off my top lane, things were definitely not going smoothly. I only got two triple kills that game.

Last night I spent some time practicing some champions for top lane with Hunterofthetiki. After we got tired of killing each other we decided to play a normal. I DID NOT insta-lock Evelynn. Mid was the last role available. I calmly picked Evelynn. It was such a sigh of relief that it’s no longer a pavlovic trigger for my team to enter a rage and call me a troll when I play a champion like Evelynn.

I play too aggressively on Evelynn. I shouldn’t play that way against a Kat, and I learned that the hard way. She could get outside of my range much too quickly. I was eating daggers while being forced to be melee and I could see the blood in her eyes. Another thing that gets me depressed in mid is when the enemy has a jungler who can gank at level two and my jungler can gank at level six. I have never been so wrong. Hunterofthetiki was in bot lane and kept saying “This Warwick is SO good.” He was good, so good he beat me in total gold. In the jungle. On Warwick.

Despite getting beat by Kat early I just roamed top, picked up an assist on Darius, froze the lane for my Riven and then sprinted back mid to push before Kat could return. With mid pushed, and playing as Evelynn, I sprinted to bot lane to cause some trouble. Maokai cleverly tried to counter gank, but with the assistance of Warwick I managed to pick up a quick triple kill and move back to mid to catch the wave on it’s way back. After a 0-1-0 start I managed to hit Legendary and didn’t die again until I had nine kills.

My biggest mistake of this game was trying to kill Darius 1v4 and then Riven said, “He has Maw.” That’s all she said. Darius, top versus Riven, rushed a Maw of Maltorius. Warwick on the other hand had a finished Madred’s before he had finished his boots. With movespeed quints and Blood Scent he always had a ridiculous movement speed. Stacking Madred’s, Malady, and Wit’s End on Warwick must be OP.

All in all, my total K/D/A with Evelynn is something like 50/11/20 over three games averaging 16.3/3.6/6.6 if I do the math in my head.

After game score screen:

Game 1

Game 2

Game 3

Box of Chocolates OF DOOM!

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I knew this day would come. Blind Pick is like a box of chocolates. This box of chocolates had multiple threats that I was afraid of facing. Nocturne hurts Teemo because Teemo lacks a method of getting outside of his tether range. Vlad can really hurt a Teemo because his sustain is something Teemo is jealous of but can’t have. Darius is the largest threat because Teemo must get into attack range in order to lane against a Darius and if Darius pulls once Teemo dies. I actually started joking with my team and said “$5 says I’m first blood.”

I actually managed to get first blood on Darius as he tried to last hit the wave that I had pushed. Right after that I backed off, afraid of where Nocturne would be. However, my jungler pointed out that he was being counter-jungled at the moment; Nocturne was at our Elder Lizard buff. I bunny-hopped down there to see the little minions resetting. Our poor Rammus was right, Nocturne was taking the jungle, no regrets. However, I found a 200 HP Nocturne taking our Wraiths. Goody! Free red buff for Teemo!

At this point Darius gives up. He sees me with first blood (and second blood) and a red buff. However, it’s shortly after this that I make my first mistake. I push Darius out of lane with red buff. He’s forced to take harass and try to last hit with his Q. I freeze the lane and take a lot of CS that Darius can’t reach. I go back, buy wards and health pots and come back to lane. I ward the river, and leave a couple Easter Eggs down there as well, and walk back to lane. Before I can step out of river bush Darius goes balls to the wall on me. I’m confused because I’m so far ahead that he’s not a threat. Then Nocturne is standing next to me. Level 5 Nocturne. How did Nocturne get next to me, you ask? I have no idea. It’s my mistake, somehow pre-ult Nocturne had managed to stealth into my lane and catch me at the mouth of river. I was standing in the bush so I knew he wasn’t in there. I had a ward at the opening to blue and 10,000 mushrooms in the bush behind. Yet, I knew I was dead.

I have my long walk of shame back to the lane. Now Darius is really going to pay. I abuse Darius so hard that he rages in all-chat and then swaps for mid. I actually suggest the change so they won’t surrender right away. Vlad comes top. I go to auto attack into a Q and another auto attack, but Vlad just pools after my first auto, so he loses 20% of almost his full health pool to his escape spell. As soon as he shows himself again I commit. I know his W is down, I get my ignite on early to stop his initial lifesteal from his Q. I flash to secure the kill and stay with him. He disappears off the screen trying desperately to heal off something, but nothing can save him now. Wait for it. Wait for it. Wait fooooooooor iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. Killing spree.

I push lane, take turret and steal blue. Now I have complete control. With blue buff I can abuse their jungle and put shrooms all over the place! Now the fun starts!

I literally had a 1v4 fight that I managed to prolong with mushrooms. First it was Nocturne and Soraka. Soraka baited me out and then Nocturne ulted with her vision. I was surrounded by shrooms, so Nocturne was already hurting by the time he got to me. I dropped Soraka and saw that I had enough damage to kill Nocturne once the fear wore off. That means that I have double buffs! I start working my way back up my lane because I’m down to just a few hundred HP. Vlad shows up. He wards the tri-bush that’s up and to the left of blue-side’s blue buff. I’m not in it, but a present is waiting for him in there. He steps on it, bringing him critically low. I don’t know if he has pool, but I wait for him to use it before I take a step in to secure the kill. Then Darius, desperate to exact his revenge, he comes crawling through a minefield of shrooms, losing all of his HP before reaching me. However, I’m equally low after battling the rest of his team. I run up the lane, taking time to put a ward at the mouth of river and right between the two bushes of top lane. Darius just wants to get me in range. If he can land his pull he can press R and kill me. He knows it. I know it. I’m dancing just outside of his reach, so I throw him a bone. I step in towards Darius, dancing on the furthest range of his pull. He tries for it. No dice. I auto attack with poison and red buff and Q him and start to recall. He’s slowed by my buff, I’m outside of his range, and his pull is on cooldown. Sion appears out of the river and finishes off Darius as I finish my recall. Sometimes I just like to rub it in.

After my last purchase I was able to pick off Soraka in top jungle again (I have no idea what she was doing there) and then I heard the lovely sound of “Legendary!” being screamed by the announcer lady. I almost got away, just died to a Nocturne ultimate. I think he finally timed his spell shield to block my blind instead of my DFG. Once they killed me, they promptly surrendered. I received no “Honorable Opponent” credits from the other team that game, but thoroughly enjoyed myself against champions that I thought would give me a lot of trouble.

Not Cute Anymore

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I had a friend spectating this game who had to stop watching after Miss Fortune got her third triple kill while still in the laning phase. At one point this Miss Fortune was 16-1, having the game of her League career. With her team on her back they soared to a commanding 13-27 team kill lead. However, our team never once tried to surrender.

I was having a splendid time top. I survived a level 2 Nautilus gank. Well, more than survived it. I actually killed Shen for first blood while Nautilus came to his rescue. Then, with only ~150 HP left on me, Nautilus had to turn and run or face the fury of my pushing creep wave. That little bit of snowball actually helped me beat Shen in the lane.

I refused to leave top. It was my sanctuary. It was my method of victory. I knew that I couldn’t beat Miss Fortune now that she was this far ahead and running cleanse for my blind. I knew that I had to win unconventionally.

Shen would ult away from top to a team fight happening somewhere else on the map. I would immediately drop a shroom to push the lane and rush to his turret. I could beat anyone on their team 1v1 as long as their name wasn’t Miss Fortune. In a wild attempt I mapped my way through their top jungle with mushrooms, waited for their team to show, and backdoored the inhibitor turret. It had about three auto attacks worth health left on it, so it went down quickly. However, it sealed my doom. Nautilus and Miss Fortune emerged from the jungle, enraged by the inherent global taunt that I possess. However, it was too late. The damage was done. The inhibitor was exposed.

Now, with LichBane and 500 Ability Power I had the ability to take their inhibitor if they left it alone for more than 10 seconds. I bought a couple wards and placed them in popular jungle exits so my team wouldn’t get flanked by the much stronger adversary. I moved only through the jungle, shrooming where I knew people would walk. Miss Fortune had Guardian Angel and oracles elixir, so I couldn’t rely on my passive to hide from her anymore. I told my team that I was going on a suicide mission, so they should apply pressure elsewhere. I knew that we couldn’t win a team fight for dragon, especially if I wasn’t there and didn’t have mushrooms in place. However, with dragon coming up at 43:20, if I timed my inhibitor kill correctly I could pull the attention of the other team to allow my team enough time. And then Tristana died for no reason. Welp, screw it.

I come out of stealth and step around the corner. I time my LichBane procs with my Q, W, and R. I take it down much faster than I had anticipated, so I step up to the tree in the enemy’s base and recall. I show up to the back end of a team fight. We manage to take down Orianna and Miss Fortune and only trade another Tristana corpse for it. With super creeps pushing top I survey bottom lane to see if it’s viable to push. I see that my team can’t win a fight without me, but more importantly the other team sees that my team can’t win a team fight.

It was at this point that my post got it’s title. Nunu, on the other team, says in all-chat “Teemo” so I politely reply “Hi guy” and he comes back with “it’s not cute anymore.” He was either referencing the mushrooms covering the map that he took the privilege of walking over, or my constant pressure on his top lane.

They begin to gather mid, but before they can I come out from behind Orianna and take full advantage of my Deathfire Grasp, melting her health bar and watching her wastefully try to ult me. I wanted to say “Was that cute enough for you?” but I didn’t want to void my chance at getting honor this game! With the bunny rabbit Teemo skin I definitely looked cute.

Then something miraculous happened. The stars aligned. I was in their top jungle (where Teemo lives). I had ward coverage, I had mushrooms. I saw the enemy team mid and my minion wave gathering top. One, two, three mid. Four mid. Five mid. Teemo time.

I sprint into the enemy base and shroom the full creep wave. It’s gone, and my super minions are on my tail. I let them tank as I watch my LichBane timer. Ok, get both Nexus turrets and get out. Just need to get these turrets and get out. I can do this. First turret drops. I am killing the second turret, expecting to see the enemy team show up any second. However, they had decided to dive my team at our inhibitor turret in mid at the exact same time. They were in no position to back out. Their second Nexus turret falls.

I panic. I start to attack the Nexus. My heart starts to race. I can just picture Nautilus popping out and ulting me and Miss Fortune ending my wonderful run through their base. Instead a wild Shen appears. He flashes (literally) into view, gets as close as he can through minions and taunts at me. I flash to avoid the taunt, and drop a mushroom to give me another LichBane proc and continue working on the Nexus. He exhausts me and hits his Randuins. It literally felt like I was getting 0 attacks per second. Then I saw the “gg”s showing up in all-chat. The other team realized that Shen couldn’t hurt me, had already missed his taunt and blew his exhaust and they weren’t going to get back in time. The game was over. The Nexus was exploding, and neither team could believe it.

Does it look like I was trying to be cute?